The Art of Restraint

When I was a kid, I studied a Korean martial art called Han-Pul, a derivative of Hapkido. In a nearly abandoned warehouse, our class studied a practical and effective self defense system designed for street fighting - joint locks, throwdowns, palm/fist/elbow strikes, swift kicks, pressure points, the use of the body's own weight to increase advantage and power, the application of using of a cane as a weapon, etc. There was no protective gear (we had to take any kicks and punches), there were no visible belt ranks (we all wore the same blue belt), and I clearly remember there was no air conditioning during those 3 hour summer classes in grueling 90°+ degree weather. Nevertheless, it was awesome and I excelled at it.

Our teacher, Master Chang, was an iconic legend to me, the stuff of Kung-Fu films, a real life Bruce Lee. He was very strict and tough during class, very kind and humble afterwards, and contained an endless amount of wisdom regarding acupuncture, philosophy, and various martial arts. But probably the most important lesson he ever taught me was that if he ever discovered I used my training to start a fight and bully someone, he would absolutely beat the living crap out of me. He sternly stared directly in my eyes every time he said this, literally putting the fear of death in me.

Later, as I entered middle school, a group of bullies would endlessly tease me because of my Asian heritage. Though I was bigger and knew I could handle them, Master Chang's words echoed in my mind, thus I simply asked them to stop. Of course they never did stop and after 3 months of their antics I finally called the lead bully out to meet me after school to fight. I remember our Art Teacher, a goofy old woman, telling me after class on the day of the fight, "I hope you kick his @ss."

After school, all the students gathered around me and the bully to watch us fight. Even parents who were picking up their kids waited to see what was going to happen. And for a moment, the bully and I stood face to face eyeing each other...until within 20 seconds, the fight was over. All my training suddenly came back to me in a split second - I knocked the bully out with a knuckle strike to the face, then a wrist lock and controlled takedown, while grinding my knuckle into his rib cage. He lay on the ground black eyed, in shock and pain. It was over, I had won.

But not kidding, while friends cheered, I was still shaking, because all I could think of was that I was at death's doorstep if Master Chang found out what happened. And he did find out and directly confronted me about the fight, endlessly asking me to repeat my story from start to finish, again and again and again. It was perhaps after my sixth retelling to him of what happened, was he then finally satisfied that I was not the initial aggressor and that I had exhausted all peaceful options for resolve. And that I used restraint. And then after a long pause, he complimented me, much to my huge relief.

Years later, I learned those same bullies came from abusive households. That they too were struggling with issues growing up, which manifested into all sorts of problems for them into adulthood. For a few days, I actually worked alongside one of their fathers, who I could tell was a drunk, reeking of alcohol and cigarettes, and was just a vile character to be around. I could only imagine what he put his son through. Alcoholism has a nasty history.

The lesson I hear whenever I read this particular Sun Tzu quote? Always use war as a last resort, when all options for peaceful resolution has failed. First try putting yourself in your enemy's position, to see if you can understand where they are coming from and then seek to find commonality. And if you eventually still do have to go to war and you win, you still are not necessarily victorious.

And also, if it is ever discovered that you were the initial aggressor, beware that Master Chang will strike down from the heavens above and beat the crap out of you. Your choice Warrior! Choose wisely!!!

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